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Personalization in Dating

Personalization means assuming that other people's behavior is always about you. She checks her phone; you decide you're boring. She's quiet; you decide you're not interesting. There are many other explanations. When you default to 'it's my fault,' you spiral. The fix is to ask: what other explanations might there be? This guide covers how to catch personalization and widen the lens.

  • Personalization turns her behavior into a verdict on you
  • Reframe: there are many reasons she might have done X; it's not necessarily about me
  • Listing other explanations reduces the spiral

What Personalization Looks Like

She didn't text back. She was on her phone. She ended things. You conclude: it's about me. I'm boring. I did something wrong. Sometimes it is about fit or compatibility. Often there are other reasons: she's busy, she's tired, she's going through something. You don't know. Assuming it's all about you is a thought pattern, not a fact. List at least three other possible explanations.

What to Do Instead

Ask: what other explanations might there be? Separate what you know (she looked at her phone) from what you're assuming (she thinks I'm boring). ConfidenceConnect includes prompts that ask for other explanations so you can practice catching personalization.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is personalization in dating?
Personalization is when you assume her behavior is always about you (e.g., she's on her phone so I'm boring). The reframe is to list other possible explanations. It's not necessarily about you.

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